Telling a friend or family member that you’re struggling mentally, or that you’ve been diagnosed with a mental illness, is a little like telling someone you have feelings for them: television and films have convinced us there has to be a perfect moment for it, the perfect words to say, but there isn’t. There’s just messy, scary reality.
But the fact that there will be no perfect moment to tell someone about your mental health doesn’t mean you can’t create a safe environment in which you feel more comfortable opening up. That environment will be different for different people, so pick where you feel most comfortable. Maybe it’s in your house or at a cafe or walking in the park. Maybe it’s via a text message or a phone call or video call. Sit down and think about where you feel would be best.
Then, pick a person you trust. It doesn’t have to be your closest friend or a family member. Perhaps you know someone who’s struggled with mental illness too. Whoever you pick, message them asking to meet. You don’t have to tell them it’s about anything important.
Before you meet, especially the first time you tell someone, it’s probably best to write down what you want to say, rehearse it, or at least go through it in your head. Writing it down is good because if you get too scared then you can always give them the piece of paper – there’s no shame in that at all.
Once you’ve picked your safe environment and told your friend, remember this: it’s okay to only share what you want; it’s okay to cry, to not be able to get the words out, to have to take breaks, to have to look down at the ground. Honesty can be brutally difficult but this honesty is so worth it.
Most likely, they’ll ask what they can do or how they can help. You don’t need an answer for this but think about if you want them to check in on how you’re doing. You can tell them to ask you about it or you can tell them that you’ll bring it up if you want to talk again.
Ultimately, this conversation is about you; not in a selfish way but in a self-care way. The words will be hard to get out, your heart will be pounding, you may feel embarrassed afterwards, but trust me, it will take such a huge weight from your shoulders. Silence is the friend of mental illness; shatter its power over you by telling someone.